DOG TV LISTINGS

Wednesday, 08 February 2017 21:30

On February 13^th, Dog TV will celebrate it’s fifth anniversary of producing shows to keep your dog entertained while you’re at work, with images, sound, colors and camera angles calibrated to make them appealing to canines.

Here is there new spring lineup:

 

Yellow Lab Is The New Black Lab – a pampered purebred adjusts to life with scrappier street dogs at a maximum security (though fortunately no-kill) rescue shelter.

 

Game Of Bones – lots of blood and lots of teats but you have to wait 12 dog-years between seasons.

 

Twin Pekingese – a reboot of the classic mystery centering around the brutal abduction and massacre of Laura Palmer’s slippers.

 

Westieworld — a world set in the future in which spoiled terriers suddenly realize there are consequences to their actions.

 

American Lickers – Lambert, a Bichon-Bolognese from Los Angeles, licks a roofer, a set of twins, a grandmother, a plumber, and a home invasionist.

 

Rin Tin Tintervention – a dog is confronted after his addiction to Snausages throws his owners’ lives into chaos.

 

MicroCH*Ps – volunteer squad who tracks down dogs whose owners won’t microchip them because they believe the government will use the information to steal their identities.

 

America’s Next Top Poodle – the primping, the preening, the ribbons in the hair, the perfect posture, the colored contact lenses, the backstage howling, and even more primping and preening.

 

Dogs Of Our Lives – Rex poisons Brady after catching her sniffing Reggie behind the poolhouse.

 

Kibbles & Bits – (police drama) Kibbles, a bomb-sniffing dog with the Chicago K9 Unit who’s three days from retirement, breaks in Bits, a talented but undisciplined puppy.

 

Muttlandia – sustainable vegan Beggin’ Strips made from sustainable barrista beard-drippings at a shave-house.

 

Big Kong Theory – the science of squeezing a teaspoon of Jif out of a rubber toy.

 

Chicago Fire Hydrant – Dalmatians fight over who marked the territory first.

 

Maury – DNA tests reveal who knocked up the bitch.

 

Dave Hanson was sad when he couldn’t include “Sh**tzu My Dad Says” in this piece because the reference was dated. A former writer for Letterman, Leno, and Lopez, he and his wife live in Burbank with two dogs whose fluffiness is off the charts.