HOW TO CHANGE YOUR ADOPTED DOG’S NAME TO THE NAME YOU WANT IN UNDER SIX MONTHS

Saturday, 04 February 2017 19:31

ADOPTED DOG’S NAME at pound: SNOWFLAKE.

Upon your arrival at home, give your new best buddy a loving pat on the head as your show him to his custom-made beanbag chair that matches his fur and begin calling him SNOWBLAKE.

Three weeks later, throw a birthday party for him, making sure to invite all of his closest pals from the dog park. Then, when nobody’s looking, sneak into the kitchen and change the inscription on the cake to “Happy Birthday, BLAKE.” He probably won’t notice with all the hoopla.

An hour after all the guests have left, reward him with a special cookie you’ve baked and refer to him as BLAKEY.

Ninety seconds later, upon digestion of said cookie, praise him effusively for chewing something that would probably crack one of your teeth by tweaking his name to BARNEY.

A fortnight hence, as you’re rubbing his belly, pop in an old Flintstones VHS tape, point his head toward the screen, and dispense his new moniker: RUBBLE.

Twelve hours later, pretend you’re drunk and begin slurring all your words as you put your arm around him and start referring to him as RUBY.

Five minutes later, act sober and explain that you had meant to call him RUDY.

A month and a day later, pretend you bumped your head on the fireplace and now have amnesia and can’t remember anything… except your dog’s name – which you swear was ROO.

One week later, cough as you say Roo a few times, then seamlessly sail into KANGAROO.

For the next month, don’t call him by any name, just do a lot of whistling or gargling when you want his attention.

Six weeks later, pretend that his name has always been KANGY.

One month later, mumble SUGAR BLOSSOM in your sleep and hope he’s paying attention.

Congratulations! You’ve now made the transition a smooth one for your new furry pal! Well done, sir or ma’am!!!